Security

My high school friend, Natalie, is an excellent blogger. She has a way of telling a story in a way that is very transparent and witty while answering questions that enter your mind as you’re reading. It’s so refreshing to read her blog. My problem comes from the fact that I’ve always been a pretty private person. Plus, and maybe more importantly, I always wonder about what other people will think of my words. 

The Lord has been speaking to my heart about these thoughts. It’s a constant battle that I have internally. I think about what I would like to do or buy or eat or wear, and then I filter it through “what would ____ think about that?” Sometimes that blank is filled with my mom’s name or my husband’s name, but most of the time it is someone who I went to high school with or one of the other mothers at Lap Babies or a member of the church where my husband is pastor or someone who does not pay THAT much attention to what I do or buy or eat or wear. Funny, right?? Aren’t I supposed to be passed this point in my adult life? Does it happen when you turn 30? Do you go from being an insecure person to a liberated person on that birthday? I hope so…that means I only have one more year to worry about what others think of me.

There is another still, small Voice that speaks to me Who says, “You are mine, and I am yours…and if I am for you who can be against you?” And with that erases any reason that I may have for insecurity in myself. I don’t have to carry the weight of worry and insecurity around with me because the only Person that really matters says that I am “good” just the way I am. My mistakes aren’t good, but I am very good. (Gen. 1:31) With that, let me say, that I know I have a long way to go to be “worthy of the calling,” but I have everything I need to become worthy in Him.